Beauty Standards

March 02, 2020 Season 1 Episode 3
Beauty Standards
Beauty Standards
Mar 02, 2020 Season 1 Episode 3

Vaughan, Daijah, & JaNay host another episode of Seen and in this week's main topic, we'll be exploring biases within black beauty. What is the difference between a preference and bigotry (i.e. not dating fat women, dark-skinned men,  etc...)? How are our biases surrounding beauty formed? How does beauty affect how we treat others? What is beauty?

We dive into the varying degrees of whiteness (I'm not white, I'm Italian!!), how cyberbullying is like bullying in the 90s only on steroids, and the implications of social media as they pertain to beauty standards. Join us as we explore these questions, topics, and more!

Before we get to beauty, however, we'll be discussing Azealia Banks, mental health, Creepy Cameron & Lovely Lauren from "Love is Blind," and do you think it's important to disclose your sexuality to your partner before you get engaged..?

Follow us on Twitter & Instagram @SeenPodcast
Be sure to like us on Facebook and tune into Hindsight: our Facebook Live show where we dive even deeper into the topics discussed in our last two episodes. The next Hindsight Live episode will be on March 22nd (like our page for more details & updates!)

Show Notes Transcript

Vaughan, Daijah, & JaNay host another episode of Seen and in this week's main topic, we'll be exploring biases within black beauty. What is the difference between a preference and bigotry (i.e. not dating fat women, dark-skinned men,  etc...)? How are our biases surrounding beauty formed? How does beauty affect how we treat others? What is beauty?

We dive into the varying degrees of whiteness (I'm not white, I'm Italian!!), how cyberbullying is like bullying in the 90s only on steroids, and the implications of social media as they pertain to beauty standards. Join us as we explore these questions, topics, and more!

Before we get to beauty, however, we'll be discussing Azealia Banks, mental health, Creepy Cameron & Lovely Lauren from "Love is Blind," and do you think it's important to disclose your sexuality to your partner before you get engaged..?

Follow us on Twitter & Instagram @SeenPodcast
Be sure to like us on Facebook and tune into Hindsight: our Facebook Live show where we dive even deeper into the topics discussed in our last two episodes. The next Hindsight Live episode will be on March 22nd (like our page for more details & updates!)

spk_0:   0:08
Bree in that pitch energy. Think Megan beast. Al, you prince lose Evert Beyonce and breathe out hating bitch energy. Think azalea bank. Okay, but for real, though. But for real, though, guys, we have to admit within our community, Azalea banks is a hate now as beach

spk_1:   0:40
way. She is hate mass bitch. But this just sometimes she has some valid points Even if she's coming from a hated ass place. No. And let me tell you why.

spk_0:   0:54
Because if you hate me as bitch, you you never have a point with me because you don't. You don't even have good intentions. This isn't constructive criticism. You really just sitting here hating like No,

spk_2:   1:06
no, no. There is one thing I want to say about azalea banks, and that is that it doesn't get much more New York, then Azalea Banks and Teyana Taylor don't get too much more New

spk_1:   1:17
York way. Do we want to put them in the same If we don't? Because

spk_2:   1:22
oh, no. I just mean their New

spk_0:   1:23
York miss there, because in my heart I was like, You know what? If I'm t ana, I want to fight you on e like how dare you put

spk_2:   1:35
Well, she just had a, um I was skimming through YouTube when she had an hour and 10 minute video on YouTube. But I don't watch. Are you? No, no, no, no. Teyana Taylor and I watched the whole thing. It was like a behind the scenes of her doing this concert for Red Bull. Uh, it was perfect.

spk_1:   1:54
I believe you watch the

spk_2:   1:55
whole thing. I didn't intend on it. I started it and she just kept her in the mind. Just captivated me. It was Still is too much. Lovely. Yeah,

spk_0:   2:02
You know what? They Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah. Welcome being the way

spk_2:   2:12
we don't get our shit together one of these days

spk_0:   2:14
that I mean it just you put the visual in my mind, and then I just couldn't get out of there, so Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm. You know, right. Welcome to seem a podcast where we take the time to see you See a see you out there being don't spit poet surviving and thriving. E Fuck, yeah. All right. Today we're talking about beauty standards, and I am your moderator for today's show Ginny address and with me of castes are my two beautiful co hosts.

spk_2:   2:47
Hey, I'm von Harrison and ah song of the week Oh, yeah, My Song of the week My song of the week is by this band that I love so so much they changed my life Their name is tame Impala Learned about them through Rihanna. And my life has been changed ever since. And my song of the week is breathe deeper. He should look into it.

spk_1:   3:09
Wow. Tame Impala, huh? I feel so uncool. Um, my my name is Asia. Um, another co host of Jean Aches and my song of the week that I cannot get out of my head no matter how much I try is a dark night done mo by trippy right? Whatever it was

spk_0:   3:31
that was that a super fruit Orefice. They just did.

spk_1:   3:35
You said a super super freak rest

spk_2:   3:37
reference a week that I can't get out of my head. I don't know. It was the thing they said on there. Maybe. Maybe that's a thing that's beyond them to Maybe they got that from someone else too. I don't know.

spk_0:   3:49
I don't know. Days I really didn't expect you trippy

spk_1:   3:53
red. No, actually, read for so and it's bucking me up. Jordan played that song in the car one day and it's just so goddamn catchy.

spk_0:   4:08
Okay, my song of the week is parachute by in Stassi. I really hope I'm saying that right, Because listen, I love every single piece of music that that she creates. Like truly I like I have title and saying they their ability to put together a playlist is

spk_1:   4:31
What place is this

spk_0:   4:32
OMG like I just like randomly I was listening to I want to say I had a day where I was just listening to, like, um, Daniel Caesar something cause I had to give the album a listen one time to see what we could potentially be missing out on by canceling him. And then after that title just started playing like similar artists. And then I heard her singing. Yeah, and I was just like, Oh my God, her voice is captivating. I mean, oh, my gosh,

spk_1:   5:02
title really be on it with the recommendations, like for Black History Month, they had several different types of spins, and then even now, I just looked, um, and it says women's History Month pioneers and they have, like Aretha Franklin playlist Queen Lottie funding a Simone, Dolly Parton, Stevie Nicks. And they just have I just love the way they kind of pay attention to what was going on. So

spk_0:   5:25
yeah, great. And really I mean, like, the way they actually curate the playlist, Because ll English, like the similar artist that, like they actually are similar and like you, you get a vibe from it. And it's not like Spotify will sort of hit hit or miss for me when? When I would try to listen to the playlist because it would be like a minute one. Whoa. How did we end up all the way an outcast land when I started out listening to her and I'm not saying I don't want to hear outcast, but like, they're just not similar. Yeah, you know. But, anyhoo, you know, let's go ahead and get right into this with some hell knows. And Foca, um, let's get started with fine doctor me.

spk_2:   6:12
Okay, so my fucking ISS are gonna be at three. So my first fuck yet for the for it for this episode is gonna be a French film called I lost my Body on Netflix. It's an animated

spk_1:   6:26
film, right? Dan?

spk_2:   6:27
And I think I'm pretty sure it went. Won the Oscar for animated film, Um, animated something. It won an Oscar for something. Um, and I was really skeptical about watching because it's a foreign film and it's animated, and I don't know. Sometimes I just get really picky. And I try to stay in one lane. But it was It was amazing. Like I love the The soundtrack was beautifully written. The score was like, really awesome. The story was really unique, and the English dub was perfect the way that they animated it. It's like it doesn't matter what language it is that it was performed in. It just was really great. So I highly recommend it. My other fuck yet for the week is gonna be bad. Bunny on. That's tonight. Show with Jimmy Fallon. Um, you don't know who bad money is?

spk_1:   7:21
I don't get it. Me, me and the, uh, Theo Drake. Uh uh anyway, really awesome.

spk_2:   7:33
He did you

spk_1:   7:34
see that? You know? Yeah, that was one of my Fuck you.

spk_2:   7:36
I let you have a thing because I got three. So I'll lead. They just circle around my last fucking for the week is gonna be gravity payments. It's the fifth year, five year anniversary, I believe, of the CEO with gravity payments. I don't know if you heard that story of the white man that raised all of his employees, uh, salaries from 40,000 year to $70,000 there that they took a page. A huge pay cut. Yeah, dollar pick. I just thought it was a really amazing experiment that he did and is continuing to do and has no plans of changing. And they were, you know, there were so many major players in the economy game that we're saying that his company was gonna fail and his employees where we're gonna gonna become lazy, and his company was gonna be running to the ground. But in fact, I think he said he's known from like 70 employees like 100 40. They usually were having like, two or four babies a year. But in these past five years, since they've increased her salaries has been 40 new babies born

spk_0:   8:38
because we don't need way give up for you. Have a minute. Like forget the plan B, forget the marina like, Get in there. Hey, people are There were

spk_2:   8:53
people that we know were community, like, an hour to an hour. And I have just get to work because I couldn't afford to live in Seattle on now. They live, like, down the street

spk_1:   9:01
and work there buying

spk_2:   9:01
houses there,

spk_0:   9:03
and they're helping their family. Yeah, and

spk_1:   9:05

spk_0:   9:06
thought that if you paid people a living wage that they might work harder for you.

spk_1:   9:14
Who thought what it

spk_0:   9:15
thought that you know, if people have money in their pockets that they might spend it.

spk_1:   9:20
Who? Who would have thought?

spk_2:   9:22
Who would have thought that if you can go to work and not have to think about your bills that you can actually focus on doing a good job instead of

spk_0:   9:31
because you feel secure, right, You would have crazy concept. It truly is. It's really, really,

spk_2:   9:38
um my hell knows I got three. Um, the 1st 1 is probably the Mike fucking Bloomberg.

spk_0:   9:48
I am

spk_2:   9:48
sick of this nigga's commercials.

spk_1:   9:51
I'm missing out because I don't have cable. You're

spk_0:   9:54
lucky. Um, I'm not missing out, man. I heard I heard a commercial of his own 103 and I was upset. His first of all, why was I listening to the radio? Second of I heard that commercial I was like And this is exactly why do black Americans for Mike Bloomberg? Who

spk_1:   10:16
are these Black

spk_0:   10:18
gets it virtually. Michael gets it done. He reduced. Stop inference if you do not get points for just for being the guy who goes Maybe it was a little racist way. We've been saying that from day one.

spk_2:   10:35
No, I'm sick of him. And I love that Elizabeth Warren. Oh,

spk_1:   10:40
she wore that?

spk_2:   10:41
Yeah, You took him out my second. Hell not is gonna be a whole lord and sorry, Jenny, for leaving you out on this, but Jessica and fucking Carlton on love's blind Jessica is just fucking annoying.

spk_1:   10:59
I want to say that I feel bad for Mark

spk_2:   11:03
because but but Mark is a pushover and needs therapy really badly And

spk_1:   11:09
that willingly blind? Yeah, exactly. Have something going on.

spk_2:   11:12
If you want someone that doesn't want you, that it almost seems like that makes him want Herm. Or like the more

spk_0:   11:18
she approved, the more that she's like. I'm just

spk_2:   11:21
not feeling you physically and sexually. That thing and he's like, Well, just what is it that I need and I don't understand, Because we had this and I'm like, ***, the only reason that she's with you is because Barnett didn't want you. So anyway, I feel like we're talking about the bachelors on. Yeah, let's talk about this Nick Carlton real quick.

spk_1:   11:43
So So for

spk_2:   11:44
Johnny and for people listening that I'm not watching Love is blind. Um, love is blind is a show where they're supposed to get married in, like, four weeks and like they meet each other through a wall so they don't even get to see each other. And the whole concept is like getting to know each other without the distractions of, like, physical attraction and seeing each other. And so you have to pick the person that you're going to get engaged to before you see them. And so, Carlton, I met this great black woman Diamond, who is a professional basketball dancer, and they hit it off, and it was great, and it was like,

spk_0:   12:16
Oh, these two were

spk_2:   12:17
actually really connecting. And then they hit the scene. They liked it close upon Carlton and Carlton was like, but I have this big secret. And I was like, I fucking knew it. This *** shirts too silky His secret, of course, is that, of course, he's a preacher's kid. And, of course, I used in the in the past, in the past updated, you know, both genders, implying there's only two, of course, and I dated both genders, and now I just really want a wife, you know, and so

spk_1:   12:50
way that women are nurturing. I just can't see myself with anything else. And

spk_2:   12:55
Carlton waits until he proposes to

spk_1:   12:57
diamond. Yes, exactly, he proposes to

spk_2:   13:01
diamond. She accepts his proposal. They go, and so after you proposed and the other person says Yes, you get to meet and then you meet. And then they fly you off to Cancun to this all inclusive resort and like he's there. And he hasn't told her that he's by and he's like being like hyper masking and is like, Yeah, that's what Daddy likes and like, Yeah, just being

spk_1:   13:23
really fucking and

spk_2:   13:25
diamonds. Not stupid. She's like, I know something's going on with you, like what's up? And he, like totally gaslights her like screams and cries and is like

spk_1:   13:34
how you used to date, man. And, like, literally is just like yeah, okay, that's a lie. I need a kind of a moment to think about what that means for me. And I just need some time to process how fucking he's gone. Like he's made.

spk_0:   13:52
Well, not yet, Not yet. But she will take a day

spk_1:   13:54
that right, they sleep, right.

spk_2:   13:56
And then they come back to it the next day. And like everything is chill. And like, she tells him, like, Okay, like, it's a lot for me. And I felt like I was 100 with you from the beginning. Like I told you everything. And like that was the whole point It is, was to get to know, like, the deepest parts of ourselves. And this was a major piece of information that you withheld for me, and I feel some kind of way about it. And then he's like, That's why I don't talkto bitches like you. And that's why you and you stereotyping you. I'm

spk_1:   14:26
like, Whoa, what issue? Where the problems. She threw

spk_2:   14:32
a fucking drink in his face and I was not upset.

spk_1:   14:36
Good lyrics, too.

spk_2:   14:38
Yeah. Oh, yeah. She said, watch my ass balance

spk_1:   14:40
to the next big boy. They re alive right here. Then he had the nerve to go as far as to say. That's why your wig's slipping. And it's been slipping since day one.

spk_0:   14:53
Right? If my week slipping since day one.

spk_1:   14:56
You in a fake one, You you're a fraud. You didn't

spk_0:   15:01
tell me too. Like paste it down or forward,

spk_1:   15:04
not you. Just go look at it. So tell me about gaslighting. Tell me about insecurity and hyper masculinity. Yeah, all of that.

spk_2:   15:14
So he's master class, and, honestly, my last hell now, um, is that the world is literally falling into pieces.

spk_1:   15:22
Oh, yeah.

spk_2:   15:23
Thank you. Corona virus. Thank you, Donald Trump. Thank you, Betsy DeVos. Thank you. Um, white people in general. Um so Okay, cool. Thanks for listening to my Ted talk.

spk_1:   15:36
Okay. Deja okay. One of my foot is, oddly enough, Also has to do with love is blind. So Lauren and Cameron, Monica, I love masterclass. That affection that you have for one another. That's amazing. It's amazing. So shout out to you for going to the end and making it because I was reading for use in ST, um also um, kind of rotating back to what Bon said. How he kind of, like started to talk about the whole bad bunny situation. I'm gonna go ahead and expound upon. That s so for those of you who don't know who bad money is, he's a really popular lati. Next artist, he does kind of more like hip hop fish. Um, type music. He was on the song Mia featuring Drake. So you probably heard of him. Oh, and I think he was on. I like it like that with with cardi B like 90%. Sure. Anyway, so he had a performance on Fallon tonight. Um, and during his performance, he had on a shirt that, um in Spanish, said they killed Alexa, not a man in a skirt on. And he was basically shouting out, um, and bringing attention to the slaughter of a trans woman. And I think Puerto Rico, I think so. Yeah. And you know how in the media they constantly miss gender trans women. And he was just kind of fighting against the way that they were representing Alexa in the media and kind of like, even in her death, dehumanizing her as a train this person. So

spk_2:   17:09
Yeah, it was Puerto Rico.

spk_1:   17:10
Yeah, Okay. Sweet. So shout out to bad bunny Thio going out are speaking up for in advocating for the ah humanization and the respect of trans people shout out to you that money. And that's a definite fucking as well, um, my hail to the non all's. I don't even know whether to consider this a hell, not or not, but I thought it was an interesting story that also made me uncomfortable. Um, so there was a high school in our it's called Melbourne or High school and it was in Florida, Um, 7% in Black high school decides to do a black history week. And so they had themes like dress up as your favorite black leader in where this cheeky or a turbine to school and it is 1/7 comes all right. It's, I don't know, it's a 7% black school. So the principal sends out this email like everybody dress up in honor of Black History Month, and it's like a whole week. And then that happened on the Wednesday on by Thursday, we'll know they didn't go through so by Thursday, so many people was e mailing this principle like ***? Hell, naw, it He's like, I'm actually sorry. That was not a good idea. And we're not going to do that, so Ah, hell, yes. Slash Hucknall. Thank you for recognizing that a bunch of white Children dressing up as black people in wearing dashiki is inter prints is not a good idea. I don't know why that got past the gate in the first place so that Brooke and I are hell now in my last hell to the nah, nah, naw. Um, to ferrara is Oh, the 65 degrees in Antarctica thing e scared. Don't know howto feel. In case you hadn't heard. The Washington Post reported on February 7th that, um, Antarctica was the hottest. That's ever been pretty recently. 65 degrees. Um, sell Gorenberg. Global warming is a thing, guys. Yes, like that will be

spk_0:   19:12
the way 50 years who? Okay. I mean, it sucks because I know where else to go. Yeah, like that way. That's what I think about More than more than anything is like, you know, rich people can take their little rocket ship. The hell of it.

spk_1:   19:31
See you, Nichols. later.

spk_0:   19:33
Look, Einstein head and saying, But meanwhile, the pores was We're back here on Earth just like, well, we're just gonna try to make death look good, I guess. Way

spk_2:   19:47
probably gonna throw parties and should, like,

spk_0:   19:49
you know what, And I there's there's a lot to be said about how the black community deals with trauma, especially as of late, because, you know, a little while ago when there was rumors of World War Three, everyone is on Twitter talking about, you know, this is how I'm gonna contributed. And, you know, somebody posted a video in uniform twerking about this is me trying to distract. My friends can run, and I just, you know s Oh, it's like, man like, you know, we go make a joke out of everything, because it's like it's like, if I don't laugh, I'm really going to sit here and just cry just number, and I'm not gonna make it, so it's like, Okay. All right. I got to do something on Make it through. You know

spk_2:   20:38
what? This is very unrelated to what you were just talking about

spk_1:   20:42
you and your

spk_2:   20:43
fucking isn't Hell knows today. I do want to explore with you all. This is something that Sean and I kind of not really debated argued. It was a discussion that we had. Do you feel like sexuality? And who you're attracted to is something that you should this quote you relating to it is close with someone before you get engaged to them.

spk_1:   21:04
Yes, before you get engaged.

spk_0:   21:07
Yeah, I think that I think that that is a whole lot to unravel because I I am of the belief that if I want to marry you that that I should be 100% comfortable with all of my identity around, you know? And so if I don't feel like that is something that I can share with you,

spk_1:   21:31
you can't get in because

spk_0:   21:33
because now I really have to think about why I don't want to share it with you. And a lot of times, it's usually because people are afraid of an adverse reaction is why I don't want to tell you. And so then it's like, Well, if you're afraid of that, then perhaps you shouldn't

spk_1:   21:47
be getting married to

spk_0:   21:48
the person. I really you know, perhaps this isn't as safe of a space as you think it is? If I mean and that's not just with your sexuality. I mean that in, like, every since, you know, if you if you have a certain religious belief or you have a certain educational belief and you're afraid of sharing that with your significant other, uh, maybe you should get out of there. I don't know. Um, but at the same time, I do also understand that there is a little bit of like, you know, especially if this is not something I do now. It's not. It's not a part of my identity now, you know, what I'm saying is, if I if I was this at a time and then, you know, perhaps life experience or maybe just today I'm not that Then, you know, do I have a responsibility of like disclosing my whole entire life's journey, Thio You know, and and I thought maybe we had a lifetime to have that discussion. You know what I'm saying? Like I didn't think I had to pack it up all neat and tighten to a lake here. We're dating package, you know, like

spk_1:   22:53
I don't know. I just feel like if you're at the point of marriage like I'm committing myself forever to you. Then I feel like that conversation. I would imagine it coming up at some point or the other. Like you said, Jenny, like, if this is a part of who I am, then but I guess maybe not everybody sees their sexual authority well as an essential part of their identity.

spk_0:   23:20
Sex is really taboo still. Yeah, as well. So So I This is what I found it. It's so strange to me in the year 2020 that there are still people who don't feel comfortable having conversations about sex with their partners. And and, I mean, even even as as simple as just like, you know, what sorts of things do you enjoy in the bedroom like we're not even having?

spk_1:   23:46
No, But that covers some real shit. Like I felt at one point. I'm not like that anymore. I feel like when I was first having sex as a woman, it was just expected of me. And I feel like there's also like a gender aspect of that, like I feel like us is. Women are expected to just like have sex performed upon us, and it finds some enjoyment out of it somehow and have some sort of satisfaction. I think just now, that revolution, when we're saying, like if he ain't doing good, like, pick up your phone and started to like you saying like, don't don't feign. I think that's where we have this whole concept of the faked orgasm that we're supposed to be enjoy whatever's having done to our body, you know, just that ability to advocate for ourselves and say, No, this is what I like. And, you know, I've been told that I was, um I don't I don't know

spk_0:   24:42
that aggressive was the right word. That person wanted to use it. I didn't know that it was aggressive was the word because it was like, I don't know what else to call it yet, you know what I mean.

spk_1:   24:53
I advocate for myself.

spk_0:   24:54
Yeah, because I would just be like, Okay, listen. So, like, this, half of the experience is like all that like, yes, more of that part, please. But then, like, you know, this party thing is really where I went looking for it to be, and you know, but but I I felt like points to this person Because whenever I did express how I felt, you know, the conversation was I am listening to you. I am taking this feedback, and I am actually gonna make, you know, behave differently. And that is like,

spk_1:   25:28
I just thought about something. It's It's the fear of hurting somebody's ego. Yes. Yeah, yeah, because I mean, like, what

spk_0:   25:37
if? And I also noticed that you know what you do share your sexuality with people, and you're not just 100%. Whatever they are, whether that's straight or anything else, then people have are they immediately feel like now they're in competition with everybody in the world. And it's because you Yeah, you'll you know, you'll tell somebody, um, you know, because my journey was sort of like, Okay, I'm bi, that's like, but you've been with men and it's like I mean, well, yeah, but you can't be satisfied. I mean, shit, I'm trying to find out. I

spk_1:   26:16
don't know,

spk_0:   26:17
like, you know, I'm trying to find is there in point here or, you know, But at the same time, it's like now this person feels like it's it's not just me and every other woman or worry about population now is me against the world is like It's not We're already here. I fought with you and this is where my attention is and you're not giving me at least not even the benefit of the doubt. Because, like if we agreed upon monogamy, you're not in competition with anybody like I like you. I don't get it. But

spk_2:   26:49
well, I would say, Don't fret, boys and girls, because I am bringing on a full episode on attraction and gender expression and

spk_0:   26:57
identity. Shameless flag.

spk_2:   27:00
Next episode's about we, but it's coming soon, I promise.

spk_0:   27:05
Well, you know what? Let me go ahead and give my hell knowledge and fuck us so we can move this thing right along. Um, so, first of all, my hell, no, to the nano eyes is is the way in which people have tried to dictate the grieving process. And I I personally try to avoid anything that had to do with ah, with Kobe. And that's only because that's how I deal with it, because I still have in process that like this Israel. So I've been trying to just avoid it because I feel like I've got so much going on in my life that I just don't have the time to accept that that this is happening. But I noticed, though, during the, uh, the tribute serves of the memorial service that there were people who felt like Vanessa Bryant didn't do it like like they would have Or that, you know, she she didn't let the parents speak or, you know, just I mean, just a wide variety of shenanigans that that was being said, You know, like, um, we we should have done this. So we should have did that. We should. It's like you don't get to decide by how grieving people express their grief. No, you know what I'm saying? You don't get to you because you couldn't possibly like I mean, yeah, Kobe is your hero, but imagine. Imagine losing a somebody who you know, personally, somebody who has showed up for you. Not just you. In today game you were a jersey. Cheer them on. And you said Kobe, will you? You through the trash and tragic. And this is the woman who got up there and said he bought her the dress from the notebook. Bro Lake. He did this for her. He gave that love to her. She was like, That's a whole different kind of lost. You know what I'm saying? That you're not even accounting for. So you don't get to have an opinion about that part. That's just hell, no, Shut us up. Um, so that's how I feel about that. Um And then fuck. Yeah. And the reason why I saved this for last is because it's about me. Um, so this is like, I got one more week of class, and then I just got two more classes before I had my masters. And, like, I I'm trying so fucking toe hang in there. Yeah, you stop its prey buster to the Lord because, like, this whole week, I was just like, bro. I don't want to. Like, I knew I had homework to do, and I was just like, I just don't want to Just cause I felt like I don't have space in my brain cause I gotta work. I got this. I got to do this. I got to do this. It's like this is the one thing that I could push tow the last minute end, So I'm going to sew. I'm really excited, though, that I've made it this far with good grades because I didn't tell you how I did it. I think I just kind of depressed myself through this entire degree. And I'm glad you know, I am actually happy about it, because then that means I really don't have any memory about this process. So when I get my degree, it'll just be like, That's over. I

spk_1:   30:20
got this. Agree, man?

spk_0:   30:21
Breeze right through that minus the debt. So yeah, I fuck you have for me. And so as long as I continue on this journey, I will graduate May night. So fucking yeah, pat myself on the back. Pat. Pat. Pat.

spk_2:   30:36
Well, I will say your fuck you just reminded me of a of a fuck yeah, that I missed out on. I meant to type. I'm I know

spk_1:   30:44
talk about

spk_2:   30:45
meant it. I missed it. Um, a couple of things. One. I'm really excited. That choirs coming back for me soon. Super excited. And to, um, fuck yah to the PhD psychologist that I had an appointment with this week. Like, change my life like

spk_1:   31:05
this. I want to hear about this. Yeah,

spk_2:   31:07
like it was I can't even explain like I've only ever met with. Like L C s W's like social workers and, yeah, licensed therapists. Um, I've never had a set. I mean, I've been taught by PhD psychologist when I was in college and things but toe actually sit with one is like, and this is nothing against license social workers. I just think that they're set of tools is totally different. And it's not what I needed. I sat down with the psychologist. I I felt like, heard and understood and like, scene.

spk_1:   31:39
Is this it Was this where they're a therapy session?

spk_2:   31:42
Yeah. Basically, I, um my my therapist didn't feel like he had, you know, the necessary tools to help me with everything that I needed help with. And so he recommended a psychologist, and I found one, and I really liked his head shot. And his credentials seemed really legit. Like he's a white guy. But he was talking about intersectionality and u t talk about gender identity and like things that I was really fucking with. Solid. Mmm mmm. Mmm. Mmm. I mean, he old white, but we're going to see and, you know, I met up with him, and I mean Oh, I mean, he was He was really He was really awesome. I mean, he was warm and inviting. He made me coffee, which I thought was really weird, but also really humbling. You know that this, like, late sixties, maybe even early seventies white guy who looks really great for his age drink, uh, who is very learned it and has all these degrees would make me coffee. You know, um, and I told I, like, just dumped, like, all of my issues on him was crying in his office, and he told me how amazing I was handling things. And I was like,

spk_1:   32:47
How? Look at me, I'm falling in front of you, you

spk_2:   32:52
know? And he he could still see that, You know, I was still carrying, Even though I'm a mess. These do acknowledged how how I had to be doing something right to still be in the position that I'm in because a lot of people with all of the trauma and mental illness and things that I experienced just give up and don't don't have the ability to continue to do everything that I'm doing

spk_1:   33:16
it you're still here,

spk_2:   33:17
you know, And so I feel really optimistic about everything he's going to give me on some meds, and I'm very anxious about that. But I you know, that's all other discussion, but I'm willing. He makes me feel comfortable trying it and some psychological testing and things like that. So I'm just really looking forward to to starting this journey. He wants me to see him twice a week, but I ain't got enough Petey over that way the once a week.

spk_0:   33:46
You know what? I don't understand how come Doctor's hours aren't like operative everybody else you were when you work, like, actually have to take my PCO just because I'm just exactly like I just want to be able to go after hours like I do everything I

spk_2:   34:02
wanna be able. I want to do my job better. And I can't because I have mental illness, and so I shouldn't have to use sick time to. Anyway, I just counted as professional development. And anyway, I just wanted to mention that, but yeah, Thank you for letting me squeeze that in.

spk_1:   34:21
Yes, of course.

spk_0:   34:22
Absolutely. You know what? Let's just go ahead and take a quick break. Uhm And and then we'll come back and talk about how I see you and how we feel seen in our everyday life Rain It's so I am so glad we all had some interesting experiences this week. So let's wrap up this part with I c U von. So you see,

spk_2:   34:57
I see you says, Ah, Megan the Stallion and nor money for making the cover of Rolling Stone together. Specifically, I I see an Armani that I see you nor money specifically for representing dark skinned black women in such a positive manner.

spk_1:   35:16
Fucking killing.

spk_2:   35:16
And, um, also for talking about that really uncomfortable situation with, uh, camera meal, Kamil Calabasas or whatever her name is.

spk_1:   35:28
Go count the spiciness.

spk_2:   35:31
Calamity, Calamity Cal. Cal Calamari

spk_0:   35:35
was her

spk_2:   35:36
name Kamiya? Kobe, Kamil Icka Beta

spk_1:   35:39
Some like that

spk_2:   35:40
Havana Not not

spk_1:   35:42
just don't aunt

spk_2:   35:44
heard, you know, saying *** or whatever on her twitter and apologizing about two years later, Tumbler, whatever the fuck it was. Um, but I just really wanted praising our money for talking about it. And, um, for not taking the Oh, you know, she was this way. But you know now things are great and everything is awesome. But, like, really talking about Like like like Mia. Really?

spk_1:   36:08

spk_2:   36:09
you know, she made me uncomfortable and I felt some kind of way about her. And she didn't even talk about where they are right now. You know what I mean? And who knows? Maybe they're good. Maybe they're on bad terms, but I really like that. She didn't take like, you know, like the apologists route like way hugged it out. And racism is between us. So really awesome. Allow your feelings to be felt. So I see you nor money

spk_1:   36:33
I got in I c U ok, who you see, And it's for my boo my love. Um Marci Martin. She's a wonderful young lady. If you guys Didn't she she earned at the n double a c p Image awards, not one B that's home is not tree.

spk_0:   36:52
Not even bow forward of

spk_1:   36:54
the wars of the 14 outstanding supporters are supporting actress in a motion picture and outstanding breakthrough performance. Little which she didn't she produce that produced and she won two awards for and then she won for outstanding supporting actress in a comedy series and outstanding performance by a youth for black ish. So we see you're wonderful. You're doing big things, popping little things, stopping you not low t I but it works for the situation because you're big things that you're so we love you. You're once

spk_0:   37:28
you know what my I see you actually goes out to Von and my best friend Shay for celebrating birthdays today. I see you boo out here being grown a hill recording on his birthday. Because let me tell you if if my birthday was on a Sunday, I'm sorry. We're gonna have to cancel way. We're gonna have to cancel. So I see you

spk_1:   37:57
voted for before chasing your dreams and for putting that first

spk_0:   38:02
on. I'm not going to tell the world how old best friend Shay is because we already had that conversation this morning. But I just want to reiterate to everybody that I am the little sister. Okay, I baby, I, um I'm still in the two thousands, you know, Um, I'm in the twos. That's what I said to her earlier. Like we was kids was happy Tuesday. So shut up to you guys. I love you. I see you guys um So now that we all feel what a seed. Okay, let's step into the main topic. Because we

spk_1:   38:42

spk_0:   38:42
going to be talking about beauty standards and really kind of talking about the impact of those standards on our communities. So first things first. I just want to know, How do you guys perceive beauty who I know? It's wide open. I know.

spk_1:   39:01
Um, I think when I think of somebody is beautiful, I think of somebody who is warm, somebody who owns themselves, um, and has the confidence that doesn't have to put down others. Um, I think it is an energy that is glowing and bright. Um, and that's what I think of when I think of Butte, like, not to a societal standard. But what is like, man, that person is ah, whole beautiful person. That's what I think of.

spk_0:   39:38
Okay, let me ask you. Yes. What do you think of when you think of something? A thing, An item, A inanimate object? Do you think of those things is beautiful, and if so, what does that look like?

spk_1:   39:52
You're saying if I'm saying that a thing is beautiful and not a person that is a lot like

spk_0:   39:57
so. So if you're saying I don't know, uh, these flowers are beautiful. You're saying this art piece is beautiful?

spk_1:   40:03
Well, I think it has to do with, like, the vibrancy of it. Like, does it speak to me? Does it communicate something that I can identify with? Um, the shapes involves the way the lines curve and come around and the juxtaposition of certain things, just like you see them. And they make you feel something? Yeah. Um and that's why when I'm looking at things and I say that they're beautiful, like they bring a warmness and a comfort to me, and they just bring ought to me. And that's what I think of what? I'm looking at a thing and say something's beautiful.

spk_0:   40:45
Okay. I want you to hold that in your head. Yeah, for later. Questions via Tell us. How do you perceive beauty?

spk_2:   40:52
Um, beauty is home. Um, beauty. For me, it's more of an internal thing that it is outwardly expressed. Beauty for me is a feeling it is. Um, yeah. I mean, I think that really adequately says it for me. Beauty just feels like home to me. If we're speaking about, you know, non inanimate objects

spk_0:   41:14
about humans, and and I mean, you know, across the board. And I sure that it's important toe. Ask that question about both human things and non human things. Because sometimes when you get when you start to cross like beauty and dating, you know the way that we describe beautiful people sometimes kind of gets out of hand. Um, for example, um, psychology today posted an article called Beauty or Bias where they discussed the bias that says, And this is a

spk_2:   41:49
direct quote. So I want to make

spk_0:   41:50
sure I say that physical attractiveness is perceived with femininity in women. So, in other words, the example they gave if a woman applies for a job that requires heavy physical labor, she is less likely to get that job if she has seen is attractive. So when you're thinking about beauty, right, this this article is basically saying that we see beauty is something that it's soft and we see something that's ugly, you know, that's that's our rugged masculine. Yeah, And so and so with that being said, you know, do you guys have any experiences with that where beauty is perceived as like a feminine thing

spk_2:   42:31
like for us Black for me personally,

spk_0:   42:33
Yeah. I mean, as black people like that you observed that you've experienced yourself. I would I

spk_2:   42:39
would have to really dig and think about that. I I very, very, very seldomly if ever used beautiful to describe physical appearance and and that's something that I've never really even thought about. I just That's just something about myself that I just observed.

spk_1:   42:54
I mean, I can kind of speaks to that. Um I know. I don't know if this exactly hits on what you're getting at Jenny, but I know, um, as far as as part has. Ah, just like when we think about men. And if a man does too much to Butte quote unquote beautify themselves like even getting his toes, taking care of doing something with his eyebrows or getting a facial than, ah, anything to upkeep his physical appearance than we tend to perceive that as feminine to the point to where we created even a term metro sexual to describe men who who takes, um, care of their physical body s o. Kind of jumping back to what you said. Its beauty is feminine and then just ruggedness. And I don't give a fuck ng rah. I will. Bare minimum is masking

spk_2:   43:49
literally. J just text me my brother J Todd. He just text me and said Happy birthday, you amazing, wonderful, beautiful, outstanding example of what a loving human being should be. Oh,

spk_0:   44:02
man, that is so you know that's so important to me. Because, you know, you don't usually hear men talking to each other. No is that way, you know, and that he used the word beautiful that that really is, like, crucial here. Because my next question is like, if if beauty and and not even necessarily the word beautiful cause one You did say that you rarely call things, you know, traits beautiful. But just in the sense of beauty in general, you know, if beauty is feminine than how do we express masculinity? You know what I'm saying?

spk_2:   44:41
Yeah, I You know, I think masculinity is, um Hui Ah, that's a um it's definitely Maur of ah, like actions as a pope. Well, I won't say none of it is physical appearance, but definitely I think I think this day and age it's more about who you associate with what it is that you talk about. What, you what kind of media you consume? Um, what you do for your family, what you do for other people providing, um, and that sort of thing more so than it is. But I do feel like it's the overall experience. It is. I think, masculinity and expressing beauty and masculinity is like having an opinion about another man but never expressing an outwardly You know what I mean? Like I like, you know, like this whole, like beard, movement, like man, like growing beards and like, I don't know, I think it's really I think it's really funny that we have a segment called I See you win Like That's the thing that men say to each other instead of like, Oh, you're really handsome Today

spk_0:   45:51
we're like, really like the way I really like the way those you

spk_2:   45:56
know, like all those boot cut jeans are great with those pair of sneakers or like, you know, it's like, Oh, I see you or I'm trying to be like you or I'm trying to get like you all. Yeah, me, too. It is like, What do you really saying?

spk_1:   46:10
like I get

spk_2:   46:11
it. Um, but but what is it that you're actually saying? Um, like, masculinity is like a preservation of self like it is expression, but not so much that it it teeters on being feminine. And what exactly that means you would have to ask him, dig in there because that's not me.

spk_0:   46:34
And I mean, honestly, it really brought up this question because if you know, as deje mentioned, you know, these acts of self care essentially are really what we call femininity. You know what I'm saying? Like if you if if a person wants to take a bath and just relax in the water and you know, or if they want to get a pedicure or a manicure, though, these are things that we see as feminine. And so then the question to me is, How do men beautify or like, What is that process? What they feel? What do you do, Tonto? And I mean, do you even use

spk_2:   47:16
the word? Even the term beauty care is seen as like a woman's.

spk_0:   47:20
It's like if you go into a CVS or Walgreen's or anything like that, and you go to the beauty put quotes around that beauty. I'll you're going to see things that are Taylor to women. And I say Taylor to women because you see women on all the posters. You see the language is saying things like she and her in, you know, this soft and you know all that.

spk_1:   47:45
That kind of brings me back to What Von was saying is that women and men are valued for different things, like we value women from a societal standpoint for their appearance. That's why I, like all of these things toward anti aging, look younger. Look more youthful because if you lose your value as a woman in your beauty, then you're no longer valuable but a man. His value is in what he can provide, what, how much month, assets and social status. He has the ability to move in influence. That's where we value men. So it's like when you go to, I feel like things that are geared towards Oh whoa, how to invest stocks and how to do this thing and that thing. And you know, I'm saying move in power and influence that's more geared towards men because that's where we place their value from a society.

spk_2:   48:35
You know what I think? I think this con's weaken sort of tie this episode this topic in this particular discussion back to our last episode when we were talking about Are we raising our boys and girls, You know, our black Children to find a partner or we raising them to be independent. And when I was talking about, like, raising daughters to find someone that has provided. And I think this kind of goes back to objectification because men we want the things that we possess which a lot of men view, especially if we're talking and discussing gender roles, women as items of like of like Like the kind of

spk_1:   49:12

spk_2:   49:12
kind of girlfriend the kind of woman that you want to be with is a direct reflection of like, who you are because you possess that thing like you own it. And that's like you And like that thing are women. Women need to be made pretty beautification products are made for women because

spk_1:   49:27
you can appeal Thio

spk_2:   49:29
you can

spk_1:   49:29
worthy made

spk_2:   49:30
exactly for him, you

spk_0:   49:31
know, so you can look good for this and move on. You are You are You are right let it because it's money. If if your partner then is a reflection of you, then now we got to talk about ugly. No, hear me out because I'm with the shoots. Because if you one thing I've noticed is you know, if there are certain male celebrities who have what people would consider average looking women, people will say about that, that person like, Wow, you could do so much better than you.

spk_1:   50:09
Don't even

spk_0:   50:09
know that you know, the person that they chose to be with You don't know whether or not this is like, really, really a quality match made a heavy you really you don't even know. And

spk_2:   50:19
we automatically assume that the quote unquote ugly partner is in it for the money. You know, if the Bueller's and his rich

spk_0:   50:27
or that the beautiful person has some sort of ulterior motives, like, you know, what is more So that is it that you're getting

spk_1:   50:35
on with this ugly ass. Nicky got money, bro. And I really don't really like that.

spk_0:   50:41
And I'm trying to think of who it was because there was a celebrity recently on what it's say. It was Michael Ealy or and I can't remember who it was, but it was a black man. Um who

spk_1:   50:55
with an average ish I feel like

spk_0:   50:57
it might be was white or white adjacent. And I'm only saying white adjacent, like a spicy mayonnaise. Yes, Like a spicy mayonnaise. They last for

spk_1:   51:12
a while Quite quite

spk_0:   51:16
adjacent my white adjacent Because, you know, there are certain white people that when you say OK, according your white, they'll be like,

spk_1:   51:22
I'm not white. No, I'm this other kind of bland

spk_0:   51:26
of white, and it's like,

spk_1:   51:27
Oh, I remember in college, just like I'm

spk_0:   51:29
black. But I'm Americans. I'm a brand

spk_1:   51:31
of black in college. This girl got so mad at me because I don't know what conversation we were having, but she was like, What race do you think I am? And I was like, e, actually, I'm Italian. You look quite maybe. Okay. Function of the wife.

spk_0:   51:54
Okay, So you white with exit Mark afraid away you passed away. Okay, I understand. You guys. That's a lot of Italian parsley in your wife. Get it? And I mean, honestly, I think I think that that's that's another part of it is like we I think is black people. We have to also be just a little bit more critical of things like this because we don't get the benefit of, you know, saying I'm not black. I'm whatever you know, because when we do know that it's like, Yeah, but you're definitely schooling, *** and like and and white people will treat you that way. Like it doesn't matter what kind of black you are because you know, when interest elbow was trying to be double 07 they were like, You know, this African American in his, like definitely what you call right people, and you just see it all is just black, you know what I mean? So it's just like when you were you tryto It's a weird thing because it's like from celebrities, especially we expect them to be a certain kind of beautiful, and then we expect their families to be a certain kind of on. And we expect you to thio to spend all this money to maintain that a certain level of beauty

spk_1:   53:19
so that one celebrity they were Robin Givens. There's a conversation about that that's not coming to my head right now. As faras, we, um She's one of the women from the nineties. Listen,

spk_0:   53:32
I really have to say for inviting to exhale, right? She was super skinny.

spk_1:   53:38
Yeah, No,

spk_0:   53:39
she was there watching all this on lately. We, you know, recently we saw pictures of her and she had gained some right things like that. And and I mean, honestly, especially when it comes to black win, because there was another. And I didn't even put this in the notes. But there was another psychology today article that was talking about beauty and bias, and we've talked about it several times, especially when we were quarter life crisis. We talked about how psychology today did that study and black women. And, um, I want to say Asian men, but I want to say was specifically like either Chinese or Korean men who are seen as the ugliest group.

spk_1:   54:20
Because if you think it has to do with femininity and masculinity, mostly does is that black women are seen as the most masculine woman, right? And that Asian men are seen as the most feminine made,

spk_0:   54:34
and that is a very telling and kind of ugly, um, revelation of our society. Really? Because like like look at how we treat people that we think are ugly. E I mean, myself included, because, like, I what? One thing that that really makes me trash, and I and I am trying so hard to work on this, But, um, when I look at people's mouths when they talk like it's such a weird thing that I do and I don't even know why. But I don't like weird sounds and I don't like if people don't have all their teeth, at least in the right places. You know, if you're missing, you reside. That's one thing. But like when you smile and then like, the whole top role is like gone, it is it catches me off guard and like my body panics. And I'm just like, Oh, shit, I don't know how to get out of the situation because I know that I don't find this attractive, and I don't know how to deal like I don't know howto function around this, and so I like, and I think the first part is being mindful, at least, but like it is so hard because

spk_1:   55:39
I don't believe you're acknowledging with yourself that that's a bias that you?

spk_0:   55:44
Yeah, sure. And it's and it's like And when I think about that, I do actually try to consciously say, Okay, Jenna, you have to accept the fact that just because you don't think this person or this thing and I say things because sometimes even with food, if the food doesn't look appealing, you know, like aesthetically pleasing it makes me feel like this food is gonna be nasty. And I don't want to try it.

spk_1:   56:09
I think for me like what makes me more uncomfortable than the thing itself or the quote unquote flaw itself is like somebody who you can tell is like, feels like shit because of it. Um oh, my God. There was when I used to work at IHOP, there was a buster, and I'll never forget, because every time I was around him, I felt so fucking terrible. Um, he had the worst acne I had ever seen in my life. Like very, very, very bad. Like complete face. You could tell that if he did not have acne, his skin would be like yellow. He was probably about my complexion and his face was I completely red covered in acne and he would just always walk with his head down. And when he spoke to you kind of spoke out the side of his mouth, and he just seemed so uncomfortable with themselves with himself and that more than anything that like, man, what must that feel like? Toe always be ashamed. You know what I'm saying? That I can You can feel that in somebody else. And that, more than anything, is what makes me uncomfortable. If that makes sense,

spk_0:   57:19
it does. And and And this makes me want to ask you guys this question. So NBC News posted an article that discussed the exposure if exposure effect. And so this says that the more we are exposed to something, the more attracted to it we become. So I wanted to ask, Have you guys ever experienced that where, You know, initially, you had that adverse reaction where you like and then you just kind of grew too, you know, love it or appreciate

spk_1:   57:47
it. Yeah, sure. I don't usedto. I used to think that I only like Will Smith types whole linky look like it could be a best give up your as you because so I only I thought I only like tall guys. Um And then just like I ended up dating somebody in college who was maybe an inch or two taller than me, like, I really liked their vibe in their styles and just something about them I just found super attractive. And then after that person, I just noted my notice myself looking at shorter guys were and just opening up to myself in my idea of who I was to Oh, I'm not a girl that just likes tall guys like, Damn, who is this 59 *** Less looking cute in a corner? Yeah. So just like I think that was an experience, Really? That kind of, you know,

spk_2:   58:39
Well, for me, I would say probably a little bit more drastic. Then people are expecting. But for me, it was it was trans people. Um, I I didn't I mean, and it's not necessarily something that I think I would not be attracted to, but it's just never anything I had ever considered before. And then I dated someone that was Trans and, um, yeah, honestly, it change. Not only did it change my not not only the way that I look a trans people from from beauty from a beauty perspective. But it changed how I looked at them, Um, from, like, a trauma perspective and like everything that they've gone through and realizing and understanding where they come from, sort of increased the way that I saw beauty within trans people. If that makes sense. And ever since I had that experience it, yeah, I think I think being able to see something as beautiful being able to see the struggle and how they go from, um everything that they experience and not feeling like they were born in the right body and all of the things that they have to do in order to feel like themselves and and and being able to empathize with them um really increases, uh, your ability to see them as beautiful. And I really think that can apply to anything, you know what I mean? Like we have this, you'll have a bias against something, whether it be in inanimate object or a human or an animal, and then you get you. You You put yourself in a position where you're around it where you're surrounded by them and you get to know them and you understand them a little bit better and their struggle Or maybe maybe not the struggles. Maybe you see how beautiful they are, just being able to just be themselves, and you grow and develop an appreciation and understanding for them that you didn't have before. And then you're like, you know what this thing that I didn't used to like or that I never even considered is all of a sudden, like this thing that I could I see myself with or being surrounded by or, you know, wanting our missing if it wasn't here anymore. Um, so I think that's a really important part of beauty is understanding, You know what I mean? Sometimes we see something as ugly until we get to know it.

spk_0:   1:0:54
Yeah, I you know, I've I'm someone who was sort of on the receiving end of, like, I didn't like this thing at first, and now I do. And it was as as ah, you know, a dick low. That little girl lost size over here. Um, you know it. I just I remember the first time someone has said to me like, you know, I usually don't like fat girls but you know you Q. And it's just like, Oh, just Sam Cuban, period. Okay, but then I realized that, like, Whoa, wait a second. So you're basically trying to tell me that this is not the norm in your eyes, You know what I'm saying? And so there was There was this feeling that, like, you know, because I know I'm not what you typically like, right, That one. There's always gonna be sort of this backhanded love, I guess between us, because here you are thinking you're giving me a compliment. Really? Truly in your mind. You are like you really believe that. Like Like I am floored. Like for me to not be attracted to someone like you. I am really attracted to you, and you're trying to give me that compliment. But at the same time, you're also letting me know that, like, I don't really like you or I like you. But I don't really like these things about you. And that lets me know that probably when we get it. If I was to get into a relationship with you because this did happen to me, you you know, I got into a relationship with this person. And then it was like, You know, you could be so, so fine if you just lost weight and it's like Lucy, it's on your mind like you really care about it in And it was. And then there was sort of this idea that, like, you know, because this isn't the norm, you should just be grateful that I like you at all. There we go. That's see right there. That is the exact latitude and longitude. You know,

spk_2:   1:3:00
you just touched on something really personal for me. That I think is definitely worthy of discussion, is that I have dated many a straight man, um, in my lifetime. And

spk_1:   1:3:11
don't quote straight, I'd self

spk_2:   1:3:14
any right straight, self identified straight man. And I mean, I I'm the type of person where I I honestly view that is valid. I mean, I honestly d'oh, I think I I do feel like it is possible to be attracted to a person beyond their gender and still be able to identify as however you choose to identify, because sometimes transference happens. Like sometimes you're the first person to ever show. And I feel like this is how ah, lot of his dating happened was that I was the first person to show them what care felt like from another same sex person, you know, or or or would like genuine care and understanding and and wanting a desire to hear about their problems or what was going on in their lives.

spk_0:   1:4:02
Also being a friend. Exactly. Okay,

spk_2:   1:4:05
And and sometimes they would want to take that a little bit further but would not be attracted to what I have between my legs. You know what I mean? That was a really difficult thing for me to deal with it in that particular time in my life. It's definitely something I don't ever wish to repeat. But I do feel that other yes of myself. You know what I mean? Like, you know, like, if it wasn't for that, you know, maybe this could actually go somewhere. But since it isn't like this is just sex or this is just like a really deep into me conversation and I wish you were.

spk_0:   1:4:43
But it's also like it's also just kind of draining, though. Yeah, absolutely. It's one sided person. It's very parasitic Now. Your needs are not being met. with that relationship. Yet this other person is still getting all the things that they are and that makes me think, You know, when you when you find yourself in situations, you know with the exposure effect, right Did you find that you're added to change towards the person or thing or that that your attitude changed towards that standard of beauty? So, for example, if I am saying, you know, I don't like big people and it's like, what? I like you a year big. So my attitude has changed towards, you know, as a big person, or my attitude has changed towards the idea that you're nothing

spk_2:   1:5:32
and Oh, sorry.

spk_1:   1:5:33
No, it's okay for me. My idea changed toward the standard of beauty. Like even with I just started realizing all of the great things that came with being somebody who was around my and this sounds weird. I don't know if it's

spk_2:   1:5:46
over some of those great things

spk_1:   1:5:48
one, me and Jordan, where around the same shoe size. So I can't really just throwing these in English. This

spk_0:   1:5:53
is whenever I need to run

spk_1:   1:5:54
out the house or like he was

spk_2:   1:5:56
getting us some

spk_1:   1:5:57
well that to wear around the same close eyes. So if I ever need to throw on this nigga's joggers and run out or, you know, I'm saying I can switch things out or when I used to kiss my boyfriend, who was 66 my neck will be fucking hurting. I would have to lean on that damn near broke my back to kiss this ***. The guy that I'm seeing now is he's very close. It doesn't hurt me to try to kiss him. So I'm like, Oh, this is so great, like all these things that never I never realized until I opened up my eyes. So it's like, Right so Hee, definitely. I think

spk_2:   1:6:35
I think I've got I have a great example to like My my standard of beauty definitely changed, not only was able to look at the beauty standard differently, but I was able to look at the people as a whole completely differently. And I remember there was a trash point in my life where I didn't see trans people like they were just all of the pronouns and wanting to be called. Whatever they wanted to be called was foreign, and I didn't understand it. And so I just rejected it, You know what I mean? And then after after being with a trans person, um, after having been with a trans person, it really changed my whole perspective. Not on just like the beautification side of it, but just seeing them as, like, actual human beings that have feelings and have gone through things. So that was really exceptional for me now, having data straight, people straight. Guys, I just hate men now, So

spk_0:   1:7:25
So because I hear so many, um, emotionally intelligent men saying that they hate men and and And that that kind of brings me around to another question about preference. Right. So we were talking about like, I like you, but I don't like this thing about you, you know? And so I feel like, you know, at what point does your preference sort of if we have preference and disrespect is of in diagram, right. Where would that overlap kind of occur, right? Yeah, because it's one thing to say. Um, in college, I heard I heard guys saying, you know, I prefer today athletic women. Why do you prefer that, sir? Well, because I'm an athlete and I want to be able to

spk_1:   1:8:19
share that with my partner. Right? So that is an example of the kind of, like a healthy preference you shouldn't like. Like, I prefer this just because I would

spk_0:   1:8:28
like to have something in common with my partner, and that is you're not tearing anybody down. You're not saying because fat people are ugly because you know what I'm saying? You're not even worried about people. You're just saying me my thing. And I

spk_1:   1:8:44
don't know, I feel like that's hard because I feel like a lot of our quote unquote preferences are informed by a euro centric right? Likes skinny, fat phobic world. So you're like, Oh, well, I just prefer not to date a woman who is black. It's like, Okay, so now you're assuming that every black woman is the same or any woman who's not black is gonna be somehow better for you than a woman who is black. So it's like some of these things that we're seeing are just the preference are actually informed by racism or, um, again, fat phobia informed by, um, things that are we are programmed from birth to believe are more beautiful are inherently more worthy. Um, so I'm not entirely sure.

spk_0:   1:9:36
Yeah. What do you think for me?

spk_2:   1:9:38
I think there's a very thin line between they're having a preference and being disrespectful to someone. Um I think that oftentimes we just kind of take a generalization and we apply it to singular people all of the time. I mean, that's sort of a biases are. And, um, I think as long as you are, I just I just I just try to approach everything with an open mind. Sometimes the opposite of what it is that you feel like you're looking for is I don't know that I want to say what's best for you, but I mean, that could lead Thio a lot of great things. And so I tried to not even allow. My preference is to dictate what it is that I look for in a partner or or the foods that I eat, or but I mean, I'm also just a very fluid person in general. I feel like there's not a single food that I wouldn't try. I feel like there's night there isn't There aren't a lot of things that I wouldn't try at least one time, and I try not to let my personal biases and my preferences again dictate what it is that I do. Um, and I mean, I extend that towards people and experiences or whatever the case may be. So

spk_0:   1:10:50
yeah, I think it's a really, really fine line, as you said between, you know, like, sort of having these boundaries that you have for yourself and then also just exploring. Why, why you feel the way you willing to examine it, really? And really hold yourself accountable. I mean, like, there's there's so much value in sort of coming to that conclusion on your own. Um, because I I actually funny and have had a similar experience dove on where, you know, I was like, Okay, I'm by Cool. Yeah, I like that. I'm cool with that. And then I experienced attraction to a trans person, and I I kind of went like down this rabbit hole within myself because I was like, Okay, so let's explore this. So what is it that you like about this person? And I'm like, Okay, I like this. I like this or like this, like this. And then I was like Okay, so these are all the things that you normally like about people when you like people Cool. So So this has nothing to do with their trans nous. You just like this person. And then I had to, you know, kind of dig deeper and say But is it just this person or is it that, you know, I just kind of like people as long as we vibe in that sort of thing. I don't really mind whatever else comes with it if I like you. You know what I'm saying? So that kind of led me to self discovery. You know what I'm saying? And I think that's sort of the difference with preference. It's sort of are you pushing that information outwards onto other people? You know what I'm saying? So if I'm saying, like, I only like this or that and then I'm trying to force everything around me to fit within the confines of this or that. You know what I mean? Instead of just saying okay. So I know what I like, But let's just see what this is. Sure, you know what I mean? What other things would you like to add to this discussion.

spk_2:   1:12:51
Um, I do want to feel I do feel like I want to explore. Uh, What was that?

spk_1:   1:12:57
Oh, a question I wanted I Well, I didn't want to run over. I just realized I was like, What do I want to say? It was like, I remember what I want to say, but, um, if you have a thought as well von feel free to okay. I just

spk_2:   1:13:10
I just want to know how you all feel about sort of the implications of, ah, social media on any standards. Like, do you feel like Instagram and Facebook and Twitter have had positive impacts on how young people perceive? Because, I mean, you know, that's where we get our beauty standards on our biases from Is looking towards people that are older or looking at content, looking at our peers. So how do you feel like that? Impacts young people, especially young people in, like, middle school and high school. When you first are getting a phone and you start to realize the things that you like to feel beautiful. Go

spk_0:   1:13:51
ahead. Uh well, um, I think that this is I mean, it really kind of goes back to the exposure effect because through social media were, you know, able to receive these messages and images that air constantly reaffirming what is beautiful, what is considered attractive. And so I honestly think that it's subjective and it depends on the person, because I know that on my social media it's a lot of body positivity because that's what I'm looking for, right? So I surround myself with that. So I feel my experience with beauty has been relatively positive. I mean, you know, you still hear the foolishness, you know what I'm saying? But I tried to make my social media experience a positive Yeah, and so I I Sometimes I also realized that people don't even realize what they are surrounding theirselves, bio social media. Sometimes that that alone will create a negative.

spk_2:   1:14:52
Well, I don't even know what I'm sure that's a part of it, too, but I think it's I I would say it is more so lacking and understanding of the fact that we're influenced by everything, even if it's a subconscious influence. Every single thing, every piece of media or every word or every single thing that were exposed to is taken in some kind of way, whether you remember it, whether you feel the feeling as intensely as you need to feel it in order to process and be like Oh, I felt something from this you are internalizing and interpreting and developing a feeling that you attached to that specific thing. So if you're so from what I'm gathering from you today is that you feel as though it truly just depends on the kind of friends on your friendless or the kind of people that you follow, because it's like if your friends left, if you're a young black girl and you're in the sixth grade and you're entering puberty and you're in this world where you're sort of thrusted into the throngs of like social media and you get a Facebook and like all of the boys on your news feed or like, you know, own like bitches that this and and

spk_0:   1:15:59
girls share, yeah,

spk_2:   1:16:04
that's what you and you and that shame

spk_1:   1:16:06
internalize that

spk_2:   1:16:07
shapes how you yourself you know how I I don't want to be perceived as a whole or thought, and I don't want boys to think that I'm this or that. And so This is how I'm going to choose to do this and all of the girls on my news feed and wearing makeup and all the girls on my news from Lord,

spk_1:   1:16:22
the ones that get the most likes are look like this. And that thing

spk_2:   1:16:27
and likes are important, like

spk_0:   1:16:28
hearts and their e Me No, like, literally, it is a social currency, and it's how we're able to determine who is important, who are, who are the people who are our influencers through those likes because this is and there's so much to be said about that as well. But I think even especially with beauty, because I do follow some some beauty influencers on social media. And there's always conversations about, you know, lack of inclusivity within, you know, the beauty community. And, you know, I mean, even down to, um, the boys, the makeup boys. You know, there's even conversations there where, you know, you have, like, your Jeffery Starr. I'm sorry. That is named thing Patrick star on like many emu A You've got all these all these guys, but we're not getting, you know, black men getting there, getting there. Just do also as trendsetters as influencers. And so there's still so much to be said about beauty and social media that it's it's almost un. It's just not smart to depend on that, but it's just like that's the reality.

spk_1:   1:17:41
I think that they not fucking us up the most, especially like young people who are Hala impressionable, is comparing ourselves to a false standard in a false reality. Like we, these girls are looking at a lot of times. Um, women whose pictures are heavily Photoshopped are, are taking at this exact right angle with the exact right lighting and edited 10 times over and are like, Oh, she has all of these likes and followers and I don't look like that. So what does that say about my words that I know? And it's

spk_2:   1:18:18
too young, impressionable minds, though like and I know this is intentional. Like Facebook instagram, they are doing their very best to try to emulate reality. They want. They want people to feel like it is genuinely an extension of

spk_0:   1:18:35
ourselves, and so it feels real. It feels so. It feels

spk_2:   1:18:39
like it feels it tries to make you feel as though if this photograph or this post or the specific comment doesn't get a certain amount of likes than it is not. It's not valuable or it's not pretty enough. It lacks value. And then we and then we start to think that there's something inherently wrong

spk_1:   1:19:00
with us. You know

spk_2:   1:19:02
what I mean? It

spk_1:   1:19:03
coming. Fuck you

spk_2:   1:19:04
does such a great job of of trying to emulate the rial life that a lot of times that line between, like reality and social media gets very blurred and it's no longer it's no longer like this. This virtual world. It's like this really thing and and the currency of social media bears Riel. Wait. And I mean we can have a whole episode about cyber bullying and why, right? Why it's so much more. I'm the president now, like how, how people's comments and likes and things that you say online. And we just talked about cancel culture. It follows you. So not only do you have this aspect of it, like it used to be like this posting this cute pic and like here it isn't like, okay, it's just a picture. But no, I think a lot of young people view it as literal extensions of themselves like this is me posting me. It's not just a photo of me. It's actually me.

spk_0:   1:20:01
My people don't like it. Then you don't like you don't like me. Yeah,

spk_2:   1:20:05
you know what I mean?

spk_0:   1:20:06
It does feel that way because you have people who are doing just regular everyday things, being able to go viral and being able to have the kind of fame that gets them to Ellen that gets them to have the remind the show uncertain and gets them the success and fame that that we all that we all want. You know what I'm saying? It. And so I can't imagine being a kid because, you know, one thing I hear a lot of people our age saying is like, you know, everybody getting bullied. How did we survive? Because you get a lead in person in this, like bro. Let me tell you something, though. If I'm getting bullied in person, one thing I can go to avoid that is just not be around, right? You know what I'm saying? And then and then and then He can still have real world impact. But I don't have to be around. You don't have to hear you saying those things to me. You post a picture on Facebook and somebody gonna go and take it and post it and they re posted and they rewrite it all separate. And now you got. Now you got people all over the world that you don't even know my commenting on your body, commenting on on your mind, saying that they think you you know, you're ugly or you got a mental illness or, you know, just embarrassing you. And it's like that is a lot when you look at what the downstream effect is is like if it goes well, it's great, That's awesome. But if it goes bad, it could be really bad egg have devastating effects on you. You know what I'm saying? I do want

spk_2:   1:21:35
to say that I know we've been focusing on the negative, but I think that conversely, there is positive impact that social media has had on beauty standards. Yes, it's like for the longest time, people that are really niche like, I don't know, pan sexual. Ah, disabled purred like pan sexual wheel shared intersex person you can find you will find the higher groups dedicated to people just like you. Um, Ford, Um a sexual, a gender murder. People liketo wear tails on the weekends and goto I mean, you will find people like you, and you can feel this affirmation of your identity that she would not have been able to find 10 or 20 years ago. You know what I mean? And I think that's a really amazing part of social media.

spk_0:   1:22:33
And there's even been, I mean, just even more general acceptance, I would say, because you said wheelchair and it just because of the exposure there's there's there's even Maur, um, mindfulness around things like that and especially how we view, um, you know, disabled people and in their end, their beauty thanks to social media. And I have to give it to the kids, man, because like my little sister's generation, they I feel like on the one hand, they think you know, will shape the world's gonna end anyway. But then, on the other hand, they're like, So we might as well make sure that we're all having a comfortable living experience while we're here. I mean, the world's going to go to shit. Yeah, I'm saying so. It's just like, you know, if if we say the floor is lava, people in our generation is gonna we're gonna jump up on the on the couch and be like, Oh, shoot. Oh, no. And my little sister was like, Yeah, you tell my generation the floor is lava. We're all just gonna lay down. And I was like, Oh, God, Oh, God, This kind of dark. But I just I love the way that the kids were really tryingto make a difference in things like beauty standards

spk_1:   1:23:46
toe leave us off on a kind of positive No, I'm curious about for you guys. What is one thing that you used to be insecure about? That you learn to owned and, like, take pride in and fully accept? Um, so for me, um, I can say that, um and this is like, uh, a huge thing that I had even problem at meetings with admitting within myself. When I first went natural, I had a dye all my hair. It was this, like, really nice, like, coppery color that I loved. Um, And as it was growing out Oh, and I would get so many compliments on my hair texture and type and everybody would be like, Oh, deja, I want to go natural But my hair isn't like yours and it's not pretty like yours. And I'd be like, Oh, well, I love your hair type and you be you and you're not me and own what you have and all of this stuff. And then as my color was growing out, you know, color concern, change the texture of your hair. I noticed that the hair that had underneath was not this three, See, whatever. And my hair was actually really damaged. And that's why it was a looser hair type. And so, like my discomfort at God Em what is underneath? And can I radically, Except I'm telling everybody to love themselves for who they are. But I'm afraid to cut my hair because I don't know how I'm gonna view myself with when I expose my kinkier hair texture that's underneath all this fucking die, you know? And so I finally was, like, fuck it and cut off my red here. Um, and my hair was a bit kinkier than what I thought it was in, just like that journey of radical self acceptance and like, wow, Yeah. Oh, wow. You have internalized. You're telling other people, not thio pie into anti blackness and bitch, you buying into fancy blackness is easy to say that when you're the benefit of the anti blackness but when you are, it doesn't make sense. So I had to learn how to love my hear my kinky coyly here and now. I love my hair texture. I'm actually locking my hair right now. Um and so just like my journey with that and just learning to accept who I was. Truly? Yeah. What about you?

spk_2:   1:26:16
Um for me, I would say my weight, um, has always been something that I've really struggled with. And I think it's just because it's another one of those things that people associate with masculinity. Um, I was always just really skinning, especially when I was younger, at even less meat on my bones as ah, as black families like to say so. So I mean, that was my family's for everything to say, Um I mean, I got called all kind of different things and, uh, you know, like, crack it or like you need thio, um,

spk_0:   1:26:58
straight to crack. Yes. Yeah. Families just don't have no sense.

spk_2:   1:27:03
And, um I mean, is this a family and kids at school? You know, like you need you need to eat some more. And like that was my favorite thing to do was E. And I mean, you know, it's kind of one of those things. I feel like I talked about this on the show before, but I don't remember, but I used to get called weird a lot, and it didn't hurt my feelings when it was happening. But as I'm getting older and I'm like in therapy, I realized that it actually really fucking hurt my feelings a lot. And I just didn't realize it at the time. And I feel the same way about my weight. Like I just kind of I thought I was like, you know, I thought I was embracing it and like just laughing along with people, but it actually really fucking hurt my feelings. Things like aa lot to constantly be told that I need to eat when that's what I was doing. And so there must be something wrong with me, like it's not that I'm not eating enough is I'm I feel like all the time like I'm always hungry. I can't possibly eat anymore. And you're still telling me that I I don't look right. So there's something wrong with me, You know what I mean? And I I internalize that a lot when I was younger and didn't even really realize that I was doing it. And I developed a lot of self hate from it and about my physical appearance. And it was something that took me a very, very, very, very like maybe all the way up to see a couple of months ago, Um, to really start to make some headway in. And I'm just like, deja. I'm one of those same people. That's like, Oh, my goodness, you know, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your body type. You need to embrace who you are and and love it. And who cares about what other people say? But deathly afraid of criticism of about my own body type in, um would go into a corner and cry if somebody made any kind of comment about and I mean in that ate him, and it makes you so conscious about everything about what you wear. I don't like the way that these jeans fit on my legs because I make my legs look really, really skinny. And I would only wear sweaters because I don't want people to see how slim my arms are and I don't want to, and I have to wear a jacket over my T shirt, even if it's like, really hot outside, because I don't want people to focus on mind my neck or my arms and afterward genes in the summertime because I don't want people to look at my legs and tell me how skinny my legs are because I was too depressed to work out and try to make myself bigger. And I ain't trying to make out the press

spk_1:   1:29:26
e I

spk_2:   1:29:28
was alive, but but really, Yeah, absolutely, and is something that I'm still working on unpacking, but I'm sure it's something that somebody can relate to, and I'm not perfect and embracing it. But I am a lot better at it now than I used to be, and I'm sure somebody can relate to it. And you know, that's all that really matters to me. So, yeah, that's my thing.

spk_0:   1:29:50
I mean, I I could I could say the inverse, you know, I've struggled with my weight my whole life. Everybody who knows me knows this. I've said it a lot. Um, but actually, the one thing I want to talk about is my voice. Because I've I've I always wanted to sing and, you know, when I was younger, um, so many people compared me to other vocalists at the time that I I didn't know what my own voice sounded like. I didn't know what it was like to just, you know, it's funny cause I could always imitate other people, like, literally, if you were like, you know, single song. Like how someone so is thinking. I can say, you know, these air certain things you do that make this song sound like you. So I know it's you and I hear it right, and I just didn't have that. And so it was funny because, like, von has always been somebody who you know, who saw the talent in me and would be like, Come on, Ginny, sing with me. And I would just be like, at this point, I feel like you being a hate Nance bitch. Because I know you know that I can't sing like you. Why do you keep calling on me? Like what? What is really going on? You know, like you're trying to embarrass me, you try to make

spk_1:   1:31:02
So you know, you

spk_0:   1:31:03
try to make me look bad in front of people. You know, I can't sing like that. And it was literally last year when we were some rehearsing for, um our fall concert. And in one of the rehearsals, Von said, If you are not moved by the sound of your own voice, then you're not emoting. Wait, like what we need from this song. And that actually kind of changed my perception because I I would always say like, you know, I'm seeing in this for me, but I wasn't really singing to feel myself singing. You know what I'm saying? It's like I would sing and other people would say, You know, I can feel the jail of your voice and I'm just like, but I don't I don't feel the same way you feel. And so I've Really When he was saying that, I I started to listen to how I was singing the song and listening to it differently, thinking about what kind of feeling do I really want to give? And I really kind of took that outside of the singing voice, but even to my speaking voice and making sure that because I've always been a great speaker, but when it came to singing is like, Well, I feel nervous, you know, I'm around all these really good singers that can read music. They can pick up on this stuff right away, and I just felt like I don't fit in here. I'm not as talented as everybody else's and it just seems like once Vine really was just like it was too many times where you know, he was like giving these speeches inquire. And it was too many times where he would like lock eyes with me. And I didn't like that. Yeah, I like that. I would sell shot all the time. I would be like, Why is he looking at hello? Why is he looking right at me trying to like probably cause he's talking thio

spk_1:   1:32:49
thing that, like no, in realizing that, is this about my ability or the way that I'm using what I have

spk_0:   1:32:59
exactly, And and that's really the overarching theme of really this entire episode is like Are you? It is really the way that we perceive these things that were naturally given. And it's crazy how everything around us is sort of like that's not good enough. You just really have to be the only voice. Sometimes not all the time, because, you know, you got your tribe that affirms you. But a lot of the times is just you in your own head, going non. I know, I know. I'm that beach like No, no, I'm her like, yeah, y'all might can say what you want to say, but I'm her and you can't tell me otherwise I do get in moments like that where I'm just like No, this is Jen ai the stallion. You don't even know liking.

spk_2:   1:33:46
Um well, I really wanted to comment on what she said tonight, because, um, I know you know, when we met, I was I was in a totally different place. But before I got to that point, I was extremely insecure about my voice because I think the way in which I use my voice is so one conventional. Um, yes. And, um, you know, because I sing primarily using my falsetto and I mean, that's how I feel the most comfortable, You know what I mean? That's how I feel most comfortable singing everything but growing up. Um, you know, I was always I always felt really pressured to sound like or to sing, like the people that you know everybody else was listening to And it always made me someone comfortable I'll never forget. Like the first time I got asked to sing in church. God forbid. Ah, the first time I was ever seen asked to sing in church It was make me over about Stone, eh? And I sing and how I wanted to sing it, You know what I mean? And, um, I just remember everybody looking really confused because they're like, Well, that's how girls saying, you know, like, why are you singing at the high? Why are you singing it like a girl would sing it. And, you know, I was like, I don't really understand what that means because I sang it and I don't identify his female, so that's really confusing to me. But it stuck with me for so long like and then, you know, I only had other people, sort of a firm that insecurity. Because when I was in middle school and people found out, I could sing, you know that I do sing let it burn by usher or saying like, whatever. Like you got a bad could Usher was my thing anyway, and I would sing it how I want to sing it And they were like, Yeah, but not like that, You know, like,

spk_0:   1:35:39
Usher, like we have issues

spk_2:   1:35:40
like we know you can sing like, why are you singing like that? And that, like, all Wow. Yeah, that that punch me in the fucking stomach.

spk_0:   1:35:47

spk_2:   1:35:48
you know what I mean? I was like, but okay. And so I was really stuck in this like, Well, I guess I I don't sound good unless I sound like how other people want me to sound. And not only did that keep me away from exploring all of the music that I really wanted to, but it made me again feel like something was inherently wrong with me. Like, I can't sing unless I sound like how everybody else wants me to sound. And it wasn't until much, much, much later that I I found myself through my Lord and savior Sarah von, um, That that I discovered my voice and, like, I just didn't want to give a fuck about what other people thought about how I sounded anymore. And it wasn't really until I started listening to jazz standards and Ella Fitzgerald and Sarah Vine, um, and others like, I'm not going to sit in, list them all off that I that I really felt like I you know what? I don't care about what other people think about how I sound and I'm just gonna sing. I want to sing, and I'll just go deal. Yeah, And if you don't like it, you just don't have toe, you know, have to come see me.

spk_1:   1:36:57
And that's your beautiful Hello? Hello?

spk_0:   1:37:01
Um, you know what? This This has been a really great conversation. We really covered so so so so many topics. And we didn't even still gets a hit on everything that we wanted to talk about in this episode. But the good news is, though, that you guys can actually now check us out in two weeks for a live episode of hindsight. So hindsight is where we will discuss a couple of our previous episodes in depth engage with you guys on Facebook live. We had our first hindsight last week, so it was really, really awesome to be ableto have. It was really awesome to be ableto have that awesome live conversation experience. So just checking our social media. Where On Facebook. We're on Twitter. We're on instagram a wallet as seen podcast. So just check us out there. So that way you guys can catch all of our information on that. So until next time, though, next time, babes, let's breathe in that bad bitch energy that all that energy that superfly and still breathe out everything that does not serve you that does not grow You breathe out everything that does not love you and love yourself beautiful.